V – Tropical Tang

Cut the Sh1t I don’t want to read all this…

I am going to cut the sh1t and lower the veil for this one because I feel so very passionate about it.

I know you all have this image of diligent sh1teater locked in a lab somewhere performing countless tests on countless foods, with no breaks and no downtime. Heroically and selflessly giving back to the world through well thought out and quite frankly invaluably reviews of products so that you all can reap the benefits of my grueling efforts.

But this time I am skipping all of that. This product isn’t worth anecdotal fluff or trivial facts. I have literally just finished taking a sip of this sh1t and I have been compelled to write my findings with no research or contemplation. I am going to forgo the suspense. I not going to build to a climax of what this tasted like in a crowded paragraph at the end. I don’t even care if this post reaches 2200 characters. Although my passion on this subject might actually cause me to write much more.

OK, I might test the PH of this later, but that is only because I like using my PH meter.

I learned all that I needed to know after my first mouthful of this. I dutifully had several other mouthfuls because, surely, there was some mistake. But alas no… I managed about 20% of the malicious 500mL serving before it went down the drain. I can only hope the drain leads it to some dark, unreachable abyss somewhere where it will not be swallowed by man nor beast again. 

I cannot imagine what the tasters at the V labs who tasted this were thinking before they released into the wild. Are they tasting the same thing as me? Did I just get a bad batch of this sh1t? For those of you who have had the misfortune of trying this, firstly I am sorry, and secondly is it really this bad? Was it all just a terrible nightmare?

This truly was disgusting. Rarely do I have the opportunity to try something so loathsome and horrid. That is pretty much everything that yous need to take away from this post to be honest so, most of you can stop reading here.

I can see that some of you are curious and want to try it forbtw yourselves so I will continue in the hopes that a descriptive piece of text outlining the arduous tribulation I have experienced that I have just been through will discourage anyone else from having to go through the same repugnant hell.

The was some sort of a ‘tropical tang’ in here somewhere, but the whole taste profile of this ‘drink’ was eclipsed by a mineral like almost metallic taste that reminded me of dirt. Not fresh fertile dirt though, more like arid, desert dust. Forget about the pleasant chemical/artificial flavour that we have come to know and enjoy in an energy drink. Tasted of concrete dust or perhaps some type sulfurous rock born of the unreachable depths of the earth.

This flavour was present as both the primary initial flavour (I should’ve heeded the warning and spat it out), but also appears almost in a worse form as an aftertaste – a final insult to everything you have ever tasted before.

Edit: I discovered to my horror that this taste is also present in any burping that occurs due to the carbonation in the drink. It was nicely carbonated though…

🟩🟨🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥

Don’t – 1.5 / 10

Cut the sh1t:

Is V Tropical Tang good?

No, I didn’t like it at all – it has a strange mineral taste to it. Like sulfurous rocks.

What does V Tropical Tang taste like?

It is supposed to taste like guava, pineapple, and berries. But actually it has a strange taste – like some sort of a mineral. Like concrete dust. Or rust.

Where can I get V Tropical Tang in New Zealand?

New World Supermarket. But don’t – you have been warned