Heartland – Kettle Chips – Honey Mustard

Three long weeks ago, heartlandchips teased us with the release of a new flavour and we all waited, refreshing our IG feed over and over again, until at last, a week later they revealed they were going to try their hand at honey mustard flavour.

I immediately was on board -nice flavour idea. I have long been a fan of mustard, supporting every mustard themed endeavor since I was but a lad, and I landed a job distributing propaganda favouring mustard during the mustard/ketchup wars, until I was old enough to join the Young Mustards.

I spent a further week loitering outside chip purveyors checking all of the arriving boxes from the delivery trucks and the departing trolleys from customers having made their purchases. I dressed in a reflective jacket and carried a clipboard. Don’t know quite what I was supposed to be disguised as, but generally dressing in a reflective jacket and carrying a clipboard gives an air of officiality that allows one to avoid scrutiny while engaged in covert sh1thunting.

Finally I managed to secure myself a bag, when I happened upon a box in the back of a chip truck. The driver attempted to question me, but I hurled my pen at him. As he looked, perplexed, to the ground where the pen now lay after bouncing off his chest, I grabbed a single packet and ran. He looked up just in time to observe me disappear round the corner and into the shadows with my prize, cackling madly as I went.

This chip tasted slightly sweet from the honey at first and ended with a delicious spicy heat from what tasted like an english mustard. A thrilling combination of flavours that compelled me to thrust fistfuls into my face repeatedly until finished.

Take the Muss – 8/10

Bonus sh1t: The introduction of honey to the mustard/ketchup wars, swung favour wildly toward the mustard for several years due to “Honeyed Mustard” tasting far more palatable than “Honeyed Ketchup.”