Doritos – Mountain Dew

So these have been around for a long time but, I haven’t been able to hunt any down, until now. Nevermind, better late than never, I didn’t want to miss out on the chance to try something so revolting sounding.

Mountain Dew is some sort of a super artificial looking soft drink. I haven’t really delved much into the many brightly coloured Mountain Dew flavours, probably because when I was still in my larval stage somebody told me that Mountain Dew shrinks your genitals. Now that I am fully developed, I am not afraid of Mountain Dew anymore, my genitals could probably benefit from some shrinking.

Long before it became a popular swill for husky, pimply, basement dwelling gamers, Mountain Dew was created in Tennessee during the 1940’s as a mixer for whisky. In fact the name, Mountain Dew was actually slang for highland scotch whisky back then before it was trademarked in 1948. I don’t believe I have ever heard of drinking whisky with Mountain Dew. Anyone out there tried that sh1t? Any good?

After finding this packet in a notorious back alley, and paying the shady figure his due for the rare Dorito Dew, I hid it under my jacket and snuck home to inspect…

Oh sh1t!

I opened the packet only to discover the corn chips covered in blotches of green mold or moss or some sh1t like that. I guess I really did wait too long before trying this sh1t. But, I had come too far to turn back now and I gingerly inserted a chip into my head hole.

It was a sweet flavour rather than salty. The salt had been replaced with a strong acidic sour citrus flavour and, oh my stars and garters, it actually did taste a bit like Mountain Dew. This wasn’t so bad at all. Guzzling a few more handfuls, I realized that green sh1t wasn’t mold at all, just the flavour powder was coloured a pestilent, unnatural green.

Weird but I kind of like it. +1 point for being weird.

Past time due to do the dew – 7 / 10

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